Alone

I need lots of space.  Noise drives me crazy.  I've been friends, even close friends, with lots of neighbors over the years, and then regretted the loss of space.


But now I have what I wanted -- lots of space.  I live on an acre and a half in a fairly quiet neighborhood, even the next-door neighbors' frantic yowling dog has been quiet lately, and the non-stop 4-wheel bike brigade has for the most part grown up and left.  My home is my own (my cat, Molly, came to live with me because she is also aloof and calm).


It's ten miles from here to gas, groceries, and my library.  The greatest conveniences here are three plus some miles away:  the dump and my CSA farm.


I could become quite the recluse.


I love not having to drive, and subsequently not filling my tank every week.  I hate shopping, so I'm fine with not having any around.  I spend more than enough on the internet when I have to.


The problem is too much of a good thing.


My family is in Boston, Rhode Island, Illinois and Virginia.  I see them once or twice a year.  And where I am really glad to have my little double-wide be my own, I enjoy having somebody I love here knocking around the house with me.


What would I really like?  I would like to live a half-hour away from everybody I love, or even a few hours, less than 17, and less than 8.  Close enough that we can meet for dinner, or visit without packing bags.  Close enough that they don't all get a year older without me seeing them.


They all seem to be doing fine without me.  I don't know what I would do if one of my loved ones wanted me closer.  It would be tough, because I want them pretty much as much as I want my space.


I envy my husband, living in Virginia with his daughter and her family.  He visits his brother and sister (and my daughter who is a short drive away) during the summer.  He visits me in May and November, which I am trusting will continue once my son is no longer tied to Charleston.  So he is always with family, but different ones, throughout the year.  He, too, likes space, and I believe that he has chosen the opposite way of dealing with that than I have.  I think he has opted to stay with people just long enough to be missed when he leaves, and not so long that he hates being there.


It's an interesting option.  I wish I could do that, but hope I never have to.  I do love my home.  And my space.