Cat TV

It may say that it's February on the calendar, but my brain is telling me we're still stuck in January. So in the midst of this 10^th or 12^th week of January, I have taken to turning my TV on during the day. And while I was browsing the dregs of entertainment, I happened upon a new TV channel. It's called “Dog TV,” and I was invited to try it.

Figuring that some cute dogs romping around was just what I needed, I gave it a try. Then I gazed in confusion, tipping my head from one side to the other -- puppy-like -- trying to determine what exactly was going on. I eventually realized that Dog TV is not about dogs, it is for dogs. First there is a dog sitting on the floor, at camera level, and then, as the dog looks away, the camera becomes its eyes and we are seeing, presumably, what the dog is seeing. In the segment I was spacing out over, it happened to be a boat sailing on a pond.

Now I had to wonder if this was something that would really captivate a dog. It was certainly boring to me. And, unlike dogs, I'm pretty restricted to two senses when I'm watching TV and hence, more easily amused. I would think dogs would just totally ignore a boat on a pond where they couldn't feel the wind or smell the water or the shore. And if they couldn't run up and down and bark at it, what good would it be?

It occurs to me that whatever crackpot invented this, and those to whom he sold it as a good idea, had just assumed that we could corrupt dogs the way we have corrupted our babies.  Sit them in front of a TV and they will become hypnotized.  I've done it, and I'm pretty sure you've done it.  I did try to limit the number of times I did this to my children, but wasn't it great when you could plop that kid down and go get something done?  But do it even once and you've created a monster.  Turn a TV on anywhere and heads turn and conversation stops, as does a bunch of brain activity, and you all just sit there and watch the moving pictures.

This is like the movie Halloween III. The first time I saw Halloween III, my first baby was three days old. After her birth, I believed the world had just changed so dramatically that there would no longer be a need in my life for the common distraction of television. Until three days later when, honestly, the thrill of watching my newborn sleep had run its course. I hadn't ever seen Halloweens I and II, but if you don't know this, Halloween III for some strange reason doesn't have anything to do with the first two. The plot is that some dastardly geniuses develop a program to destroy all the children in the world. They convince all these children, through the usual means, that they have to watch TV at this particular time on this particular day because it will be really great. When they do, the evil program is run, and the children sit hypnotized until their brains burst.

I can't even begin to tell you how, as a psychologist, this plot has held me in thrall all these years.  And the fact that this movie happened to be on, and I shifted my attention from my infant daughter to watch it, myself hypnotized, well, it would take a book-length blog to give all those dynamics the attention they deserve.

My point being that sitting hypnotized in front of the TV is just something we do.  You can do this with kids, you can do this with adults, so I guess it stands to reason that you can do it with dogs. But my cat, Molly, would have none of it. She has only once in the over two years we have lived together been rapt with TV. She sat so immobile while the Winnie the Pooh movie was on that I was even able to take pictures while she remained oblivious to all but that chubby little cartoon bear.

At night when I usually do my TV watching, she sits on the arm of my recliner for awhile, but only for the purpose of getting scratched and petted, and when she has had enough of both the petting and the nonsense that I am watching, she jumps down and settles herself behind the chair where the TV lights won't annoy her and falls asleep until it's time to wake her up so we can go to bed. Because staring at this box of imperfect light and sound is really quite beneath her.  She would tell you if she could that she has far better options for entertainment.

Cat TV Channel 1

Cat TV Channel 2